The Last One Standing
by gillwayn
Summary: When Bella's world falls apart who will be the one to pull her through the pain? Rated M for difficult topics. All human
1. Prologue

**Ste_phanie Meyer owns the Characters, i just like making them go through hell._**  
**_I have two betas - FashionistaJR & Lauren. I love them, they make this thing readable!_**  
**_Review will mean a lot to me throughout this whole fic!_**  
**_I'm warning you now, this fic isn't pretty, it deals with some serious shit!_**  
**_I hope that despite that you enjoy this! :)_**

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Prolouge**

"Bella, sweetie, you need to wake up!" I can still remember how my Mom shook me, forcing me to wake up. I was eight and it was the middle of the night. I wiped my eyes, confused as to why mom was waking me up at a stupid hour. "Bella, it's your dad... we need to drive over to Forks and see him." Suddenly I was no longer tired. Sure I was eight but I was smart enough to know when something wasn't right. I shot out of bed and saw Renee had already packed me a suitcase and was starting to wheel it out to the car. I felt tears slowly build within my eyes, coming to terms with the situation and that something was seriously wrong with Charlie, before they quickly escaped and began freely cascading down my cheeks. If it wasn't serious I wouldn't be woken up at this ridiculous hour and my mom wouldn't be running to the car to get me to Forks.

How we actually got to Forks was still a blur- all I remember was sitting in a rental car driving from the airport to the hospital. When I realised what direction we were going in I felt the tears start to fall again and me rapidly wiping them away. Renee slid her hand over mine and whispered "It's okay baby, it will all be okay." causing me to cry more. I didn't want things to be okay. For things to be okay, things had to first be bad. I just wanted everything to be how it had been my whole life. Mom parked the car in the hospital car park and pulled me inside, asking the receptionist where Charlie was.

We were escorted into a private room in the centre of A&E where a white haired doctor was just finishing putting stitches in my dad's eyebrow. I sprinted towards him and jumped on the bed, resting my head into his shoulders. "Hey kiddo, do you mind? You're getting my shirt wet." he joked, nudging me. I just wanted him to tell me what was wrong; I wanted to know what he'd done. Noticing me looking at his eyebrow he grabbed my hands. "I just fell sweetie, I hit my head on the step coming home from work." he reassured me. I refused to believe him. I wouldn't be dragged out of bed to come to him after he'd fallen over and he wouldn't still be in the hospital after all this time.

"Bella, I need you to be a brave girl for me, sweetie." he whispered into my ear as he pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm not exactly very well right now, but I need you to be strong so _I_ can be strong." he finished. I asked him if he would be okay and, much to my disappointment, there was no reply; he just tightened his grip and kissed the top of my head.


	2. The Truth

**_Stephanie Meyer owns the Characters, i just like making them go through hell._**  
**_I have two betas - FashionistaJR & Lauren. I love them, they make this thing readable!_**  
**_Reviews will mean a lot to me throughout this whole fic!  
Still warning you, this shit aint pretty!  
I hope that despite that you enjoy this! :)

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**_Chapter 1_**

That day, my world shattered. My life from then on changed and it wasn't in a good way. It had taken me a while to get out of Charlie what was wrong, and I didn't get the full story. In hindsight, that was probably the best decision my parents ever made. If I was told the full story at the age of 8 I wouldn't have understood it, I would have jumped to the wrong conclusions and made everything a lot worse for both Charlie and I. For the past few days after we'd arrived in Forks, I'd been spending every waking minute of the day with Charlie. He'd obviously been given some time off work as we sat and watched films curled up on the sofa all day whilst mom carried out all the necessary chores around the house- the cooking, the cleaning, and waiting on dad and I's every need.

That day Dad sat me down at the kitchen table, handing me my lunch, he decided now was the time to explain. "Bella, I need you to know that I love you and I'll always love you, okay?" He asked, making sure that I was aware of the fact before he told me the horrible news that was about to follow. "I'm really unwell at the moment, something's wrong with my brain." he continued slowly, grabbing my hand as I looked at him with a stunned expression across my face. "I'm going to fight it Bells, we just need to make these next five years the best we've ever had, yeah?" I felt my eyes welling up with tears as they slowly started to trickle down my face. I had so many questions I needed him to answer; why did we have to make these five years the best? Why not the next ten? I needed to know what exactly was wrong with my dad; I needed to know he was going to be okay.

Much to my disappointment, I was on a flight back to Phoenix the very next day. Renee assured me that I was much better off living with her as dad was going to get better before he got worse. I started to resent her for it; how could these next five years be the best dad and I had shared if I was over 1,500 miles away from him? I saw my dad every Christmas and for a month over the summer for the next four years. It wasn't enough, I missed him like crazy and he phoned me every day to tell me he loved me and make sure I remembered what his voice sounded like. Now I realise that he did that just in case, just in case he never called again. Truth was, he was just as scared as I.

Each time I saw him I noticed a change in his appearance. His body was slowly being covered in new scars, cuts, and bruises; each one from a different time that he had just "fallen over". I didn't believe a word that he said, I knew I was clumsy and I must have got it from somewhere but there was no way he could fall over that many times with that much force. He wasn't telling me the truth and I hated it.

"I should cover my house in bubble wrap." Charlie tried to joke with me one Christmas as we sat awkwardly around the dinner table. Dad always made an effort; he always tried to make me smile even though he knew I was hurting inside. From the moment I found out about his condition, my Charlie was my hero. You never saw the pain he was in, you never saw him get upset, all you saw was the strength and courage he possessed. My dad had every right to break down but he kept on smiling, no matter how much he wanted to try he kept a brave face on, for me, and it killed me that I couldn't do the same.

Every time I visited him I ran straight into his arms and cried. I investigated every inch of exposed skin to look for new bruises or new scars. Each time I did this I saw him sigh; I saw a little part of him hurt even more inside knowing I was worrying about him. My dad started to lose his hair in patches, leaving random bald spots exposed on his head. The later into the five years he started to become more and more tired*, he started losing weight and stopped eating as much. I was terrified, I knew he was going to get worse before he got better but right now I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I visited him that summer I had just turned 12. I was old enough to try and understand, to try and comprehend the situation. I needed to know.

One night we sat watching the game. I swallowed my nerves and just asked him. "Tell me the truth dad." I pleaded as he turned to me with a look of confusion. "You didn't just fall that night when I was eight... did you, dad?" I continued. I watched as he slowly stood up from his recliner and came and sat next to me. "No Bells, I didn't, but you have to promise not to be worried, okay?" I nodded my head slowly as he took my hand. "I blacked out, I went light headed, and I essentially fainted- landing nicely on the corner of the steps." I squeezed his hand as I realised all the other cuts and scars must have been for all the same reasons. "For the past five years, I've been having treatment for brain cancer," he continued. "I've been undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy which explains the loss of hair. I know that's a lot to take in at the moment, sweetheart. And I understand that this might not make much sense to you but you asked for the truth. I don't want to lie to you anymore, Bella." he mumbled, stroking his thinned hair. I felt a tear escape my eyes and he swiftly ran a finger along my cheek to catch it. "It's been five years now dad," I said reluctantly. "What happens now?

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_**Reviews are like cupcakes, always welcome!**_


	3. Moving in and Moving on

**As always, Stephanie Meyer owns them.**  
**I'm not quite sure what's going to be happening as regards to a posting schedule with this, my reall life is pretty hectic at the moment. **  
**I promise to try and keep it as consistent and regular as possible but cut me some slack if their not!**  
**Also, in regards to the previous chapter, I've not gone into much detail and any medical terminology might not be right, but lets just say research wouldn't have had a benifit.**  
**Jenny is my home girl, couldn't do this stuff without her!**  
**I'll stop rambling, keep reading, reviewing and enjoying!**

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**Moving in and Moving on.**

I can still remember the day perfectly now- it was my thirteenth birthday. Mom and I had flown over to Forks to spend it with my Dad. He, however, spent the morning of it in the hospital; he didn't tell me why but there was something unusually chipper about his attitude. At noon he bounced into the house holding a cake and some helium balloons. I was worried, Charlie had stopped sugar coating the situation but something about this happiness seemed false- he was sick, he shouldn't have been that happy.

After I unwrapped all my presents and thanked Renee and Charlie I looked over to him... a smile beaming across his face. He looked towards Mom and she nodded, I was officially confused. Charlie moved over to sit next to me on the sofa taking my hands in his. "Bells..." Charlie started talking as I felt butterflies build up in my stomach. "At my hospital appointment today I got told some really good news." The excitement started to build within me as I anticipated the end of the conversation. Charlie could obviously see the excitement showing on my face as he let out a small muffled laugh. "I got the all clear Bella, I'm better!" He exclaimed. I felt the all too familiar tears start to develop in my eyes, but for the first time in the past five years these weren't tears of sadness. I was happy. No, I was ecstatic.

My brain wouldn't allow me to react, for the past five years I prepared myself for the worst, I'd told myself that my dad wouldn't see my thirteenth birthday. Finally I couldn't hold back the tears anymore as I lunged forward and wrapped my arms around Charlie's neck. He pulled me into him, holding me tighter than I thought was physically possible. "This is the best birthday present ever!" I whispered excitedly to his ear, causing him to start crying too. We both looked over at Renee, noticing her wipe a silent tear away from her face. This was it, I'd been thinking about it for a while but I knew now I had to ask. I grabbed my Mom's wrist and sat her down on the sofa.

"I've been thinking," I grumbled. I knew she was going to hate what I was about to say because what I was going to say was going to hurt her, but I had to do this. "I want to move to Forks and live with dad." I rushed, trying to get it all out before I changed my mind about telling her. Much to my surprise, she wasn't mad; she didn't shout and she didn't cry; she just sat there nodding her head. "I knew this day would come Bella, and I understand." Was she seriously willing to let me move miles away from her? "I'll go to Phoenix and sort all your stuff out and then I'll ship it over, okay?" It was like she had already planned this out, she was far too willing to let me move.

A few weeks later, Renee was back in Forks with all of my clothing and some of my favourite things. I knew all my summery Phoenix clothing wouldn't exactly be of much use in Forks; compared to Phoenix this was like Antarctica; Charlie was going to have to take me shopping. Once we had unpacked everything Renee sat me down on the bed, saying, "I've not been very honest with you for the past few years Bella..." she trailed off, walking over to the bookshelf and running her fingers over the spines of the books. It was her turn to say something that would hurt me. "I've been dating again and I'm going to Jacksonville to live with my new boyfriend, Phil." she said in the same rushed tone I had done three weeks back. Unlike her though, I couldn't keep myself calm. My mother had been dating someone behind my back and she was going to just up and move without telling me until the day she left me here? I have never even met this Phil; my Mom was moving into a house with a man I didn't even know.

"It's going to take a lot of getting used to Bella," she continued, "but you here with your dad now and I'm only a phone call away." She was doing her best to convince me, convince me that her move was in some way going to benefit me. "Please, just let me be happy?" she whispered under her breath. I shook my head vigorously; there was no way she was going to guilt trip me into feeling okay about this. Before I knew it Renee was walking out of my room and down the stairs to which I quickly followed her. "I'm going to do this for me sweetie, OK?" she tried once more to make me understand; make me see that this was her choice and I should have been happy for her. Tears started to cascade down my cheeks as I ran towards her and wrapped my arms around her waist. Since her and Charlie split up when I was two it had always just been me and her and I was going to miss that, but deep down I knew we were both making the right choice. "I love you Bella," she whispered into my ear as she hugged me increasingly tighter. "I love you too Mom." I cried into her shoulder.

It took me a while to settle in to my new life with Charlie, since I was two I'd lived with mum and I had learnt I could talk to her about anything, Charlie not so much. For some reason I found it difficult to tell Charlie anything everything was a little bit awkward. Life at dads was a much more independent style of living than I was ever used too, being the chief of forks police he worked long hours; leaving at 7am and not Getting home until about 6.30 at night. I couldn't exactly complain though, I quite liked my own company. When Charlie did get home from work the routine was to head to the diner for dinner and then watch some football games. I hated football with a passion but it made him happy, and I would do anything to make him happy. I was perfectly content sat on the sofa next to him with my head nested into a book.


	4. Nice to meet you

**First of all, I'm sorry. I've let this fic go to the bottom of my priority list; Its just hard to fit time to write into my real life at the moment! Sucks.**  
**Jenny is my beta, chicks amazing.**  
**Stephanie owns the characters! **

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****Nice to meet you**

It had taken a few days after Renee had left for dad to organise a place for me at the local middle school, much to my protest. I was a smart girl and I could have easily passed the final years if I had been home schooled. In fact, I would have preferred that. I dreaded the thought of entering a new school in the middle of the semester, friendship groups would have been previously made and I would be the outcast. Nobody wants to socialise with the new girl. Yes, I would definitely have preferred just starting high school from scratch, and then everyone would be in a new environment. Not just me.

The only positive side of this situation was that, luckily, I had been sent to the same Middle school as Jacob who was my oldest friend in Forks. Before my dad got sick I'd spend summers in Forks with Jacob, we had often made mud pies and spent whole days together doing absolutely ridiculous things. Charlie and Jacob's dad, Billy, had been best friends since the first day they met and the tradition of their friendship had obviously been passed down the generations to Jake and I. He was the only friend I had here and he had been my rock through everything.

Once I started in Middle school, Jacob and I spent almost every spare second of our lives together just enjoying each other's company. Whether it was taking a walk along the local beach 'La Push' or climbing trees in one of the local forest areas within Forks, we were always together. Since Renee was gone, Jake was the only person I could open up to. For some reason I never felt comfortable talking to Charlie, I was sure he had enough going on right now. Jacob had always listened to me and talked me through anything that had been worrying me; no matter what, Jake could always put a smile back on my face.

In all honestly I had become entirely too dependent on Jacob, the slightest thing could happen and I would be instantly calling him and was pouring my heart out down the phone in seconds. Thinking about it now, I couldn't have been more selfish. Billy had been in a wheel chair for as long as I can remember and Jacobs's mother had died previously, yet I had never stop to consider how Jacob was feeling. I never stopped to think that maybe he was hurting too,and I hated myself for that; but he never complained.

I'd been in Forks for two years and for once I thought everything in my life was going to be okay. I had my small group of friends, my dad was healthy, and my mum was happy. _I_was actually happy and I hoped it was going to stay that way. I was living in a little bubble but little did I know that bubble was soon to burst. The second I stepped into high school everything was going to change.

It was September, my first day at Forks high, and not only had Jacob gone to a different school but every single one of my friends had. For the first time in my two years in Forks, I was completely alone. I was the new kid. Forks was a small town- everyone knew everything about each other. Therefore, everyone knew my dad was Charlie Swan, Chief of Police. Despite the fact my year was primarily 15 years old being Charlie's daughter meant that I was under no circumstances to be spoken to; before they even took the time to get to know that I wasn't going to blab about their Friday night piss-ups they'd decided not to take the chance.

From the very first day my future at Forks high was set. I spent lunch and break times in the library, my head buried in my favourite book. On that first day it was hard to ignore the murmurs and points directed at me, in all honesty it hurt. I had done absolutely nothing to them but because of whom my dad was, I was being punished. I went through the first few days at Forks doing my best not to draw attention to myself avoiding the crowded areas of school and heading early to my lessons to ensure I wasn't late due to being lost. It was on the third day of my high school life that I entered the one lesson I had yet to encounter... biology. Whenever I thought of biology I thought of the laughs Jake and I had shared in middle school, and I instantly missed that. In fact, I just missed Jacob. I'd gone from needing him with me at all times to not being able to have that; we still hung out every now and again after school but I felt us drifting apart. He was getting new friends and he obviously thought I was too, and who was I to stop him from being happy?

As I stepped into the biology classroom, my attempt at being early had obviously failed as the rest of the students were sat at their desks, enjoying their own conversations. I was one of the few 9th graders taking sophomore level biology, apparently my middle school thought I had a natural talent and interest in the subject. In all honesty, I just wanted to be able to work in medical research in the future; after my dad's diagnosis I wanted to do all that I can to find the cures for cancer and any other illness. I hesitantly moved towards my new Biology teacher, Mr Banner, as he started to gesture me towards the table nearest to the front. "Miss Swan, I've partnered you up with another freshman." He had said softly, "You two are going to need help putting up with this rebel lot." he almost joked, chuckling as he walked away.

As I placed my books on the table I took a look to the left to examine my new lab partner, almost having to catch my breath at the sight I was faced with. The sight in front of me was a truly beautiful one. Sat staring at me was a boy with the greenest eyes I had ever seen; it was so easy to allow myself to be completely lost within them. I snapped out of my own little world as I watched him move a hand up to run it through his hair; he had beautiful_,_ untamed bronze hair which got more wild every time he ran his fingers through the messy curls. I studied his face for a moment longer until his pursed lips moved into a small smile. He reached out his hand to shake mine. "Nice to meet you Bella, I'm..."

I knew exactly who he was.


	5. Clumsy

**As Always, Stephanie owns the characters.**  
**My beta Jenny has decided to remove herself from the beta-world sadly. Thank you for everything you've done for me Jenny, I'll miss you're beta skills! **  
**I now introduce you to my new beta, and a seriously close friend, Luce. Thank you for taking this on!**  
**I like reviews, you should review this. Anything is welcomed! **  
**Enjoy! **

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**Chapter four - Clumsy. **

"You're Edward." I mumbled under my breath; of course I knew who Edward was. Everyone knew who Edward was. I had been at Forks High School for two days, and so far I had managed to avoid the majority of the other students; hiding out in the library had peeved an effective way of avoiding the stares and the rumours.

The one thing I hadn't avoided was the talk about the Cullen family and their circle of friends; one thing was evident the Cullen's were top of the hierarchy at this place.

I'd even seen them around; throughout the rare times I passed them in the hallways on the way to my class I couldn't help but notice that they weren't your average school kids. The oldest of the clan was Emmett; he was a senior and was worshiped by the whole high school. He was captain of the football team, which meant he was worshipped as if he was some form of god. Without a doubt, people were scared of Emmett; even I was scared as I walked past him. He was extremely well built and could probably knock someone out with one swift punch. From their overt public displays of affection, it was obvious that his girlfriend was Rosalie Hale, and I don't blame him; Rosalie looked like a goddess, she had long blonde hair and a face that could rival Eva Longoria Parker's in the beauty stakes.

The other member of the family was Alice; she was considerably smaller than Emmett and looked like she would never hurt a fly. Yes - She and Emmett were obviously completely different people. Alice had a very individual fashion sense and a short pixie bob haircut; it's safe to say you would always be able to spot Alice in a crowded room. Constantly attached to Alice's arm was Jasper Hale. He had honey toned hair that was almost as unruly as Edward's.

Just by comparing looks, I would have never considered him to be Alice's boyfriend as he towered over Alice; his six foot frame overpowering hers. Their antics however suggested they were a couple; they were never apart.

And then there was Edward.

From what I could gather he was the outcast of his family and friends. He didn't seem to like the attention as much as the others, he was forever hanging back and shying away, in fact I'm pretty sure I had seen him hiding away in the library.

I was snapped back to reality by Edward trying to hide a slight giggle. I could feel my cheeks turning a delightful shade of pink; how long had I been stood there staring at him! I ignored the hand he still held extended towards me and slumped down into the stool quickly burying my head in my arms.

We spent the rest of the lesson in silence, listening to Mr Banner groan on endlessly about the topic of mitosis. I kept my face hidden from Edward as I allowed my hair to cascade over my face acting as a perfect curtain to hide the obvious blush that was still burning on my cheeks. I could feel him looking at me; the patterns his eyes made burned like wildfire over my skin. My breathing sped and my leg started to bounce. I never got nervous over a boy; but this wasn't just a boy. This was Edward Cullen.

After what felt like an eternity, the bell rang signalling the end of biology and I was on my way out of the classroom before Mr Banner had time to say "See you tomorrow". I was desperate to get out of biology - desperate to forget what a fool I had made out of myself; until I made the situation worse. I'd always been the clumsy girl. I'd walk into a glass door if it was clean enough and today was no exception. Before I had chance to realise what was happening, I was tripping over my own feet and at risk of falling ass first to the floor. Luckily, something caught me. I felt arms wrap themselves around my waist pulling me back to an upright position but not letting go. I immediately knew who the arms belonged to.

My breathing hitched as I tried to come to terms with the situation, I had humiliated myself in front of the whole of the biology class and I was now stood here with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist.

"I'm sorry...I'm kind of clumsy." I muttered feeling that all too familiar blush spread across my face.

Edward mumbled something inaudible in my ear before he unravelled his arms from around me. I suddenly felt cold - like a part of me had been ripped away with him as he walked down the corridor.

The rest of my day flew past, completely free of any other mishaps, and I managed to avoid seeing Edward. That's one encounter I wouldn't want to have in a hurry. Yet he'd been on my mind constantly.

The way he touched his hair, the way he spoke, and the way he laughed replayed in my mind all the way through the last few lessons of the day. Nothing captivated me more than the way his arms felt around my waist; the way he caught me before I had time to realise I was falling. I was suddenly awoken from my daydreams about Edward when the bell rang, signalling for the end of the school day. I mentally kicked myself knowing I'd just missed an entire hour of history notes. I'll be regretting that one soon.

I needed to get away from school, go on a drive and clear my head. My plans were short lived; no sooner than I had set foot in the car park I was landing on the floor with a thump. _I live in Forks now, it's winter; of course there was going to be ice, _I mentally chastised myself. Apparently ice isn't very good for the uncoordinated population of which I was obviously queen of.

I had only been on the floor for a few seconds when I heard a familiar voice;  
"You've got to stop doing that Bella".  
He was stalking me. There is no way he would be here to help me twice in two days. Thankfully, before I could over think things, he stretched his arm out to help me up; this time, I took it. I was pretty sure if I had to stand up by myself I'd be back on the floor before I'd taken a step.

Once he had helped me up, he didn't let go. Instead, he wrapped his arm around my waist walking me towards my car. I winced when I put weight on my left leg, finding out that I'd actually hurt myself more than I had originally thought. Edward looked at me with concern as we neared my battered old truck that Charlie had bought from Billy just before I started at Forks high.

"Are you okay Bella?" he asked, the worry apparent in his voice as he looked down at my hand holding my hip placing his hand on top of mine.. My breath hitched when I felt his hand touch mine; but I was determined not to turn into a nervous wreck like earlier.

"Edward I'm fine, please. I'm just clumsy remember?" His thumb stroked my knuckles once, before he quickly drew his hand back into his pocket and opened the door of the truck with his free one.

"Bella Swan," he chuckled "you are so clumsy, you're nearly disabled."


	6. Getting to know you

**Stephanie owns it. **  
**Luce makes this worth reading; i have no idea what i'd do without her. Thank you Lucy 3 **  
**Nothing beats the feeling you get when you get a review. *hint hint***  
**Enjoy

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****Chapter 5- Getting to know you **

After our horrifically embarrassing and awkward first encounter, I made a promise to myself. I was going to ignore the pull I felt towards Edward Cullen; he was going to be my lab partner and nothing else. No more embarrassment, it's as simple as that. Hopefully...

I put my plan into action the very next day when I walked to my seat in biology, greeting him with a simple hello and a friendly smile, before blissfully blocking him out and listening to Mr Banner's lecture. I was pulled from the daydream I was unaware I had slipped into as I felt a piece of paper being pushed towards me. Was Edward really passing me a note? I'm pretty sure most people stopped note passing when they were like seven...guess I was wrong. Scrawled across the piece of paper in messy writing were the words;

'_What's with the necklace?'_

I was confused to say the least, turning my head towards Edward who was staring straight at me. Noticing the confusion obvious on my face, he nodded his head toward my hand. It was only then that I realised I had been playing with the silver necklace Renee had given me all lesson. I quickly scribbled my response:

"_Present from my mom. Totally extravagant and unnecessary but I love it."_

I subconsciously ran my fingers over the silver heart pendant; it was extremely flashy for someone my age to have. I mean, who needs a diamond necklace at sixteen? I had once told Renee I wanted a necklace just like it, and despite me reminding her that she couldn't afford it; she bought it in secret and gave it to me the day she left for Florida. It had not left my neck since.

Edward handed me the piece of paper again. The words '_I like it'_ were accompanied by a stupid smiley face. What did he want me to do? Thank him? I wasn't looking for Edwards's approval on my jewellery choice. Instead, I jumped straight into getting some information from him. He asks a question, which means I get to ask a question; that's only fair right?

'_Why have I seen you in the library? Your family are like royalty in this place, why hide?'_

I took a deep breath and handed the piece of paper over. I was pretty sure he wasn't going to like this question. I sneaked a quick glance at him as he bit his lip before scribbling onto the paper and handing it over.

"_Why do you hide out in the library?"_

Oh... so he wanted to play like that did he? I formulated a response and passed it back to him watching his mouth curve into a small smile as he read it.

'_That's it, Mr Cullen; you just answer my question with a question but just so you know, that doesn't sit well with me.'_

Edward was saved from responding by the bell, much to my disappointment; I was genuinely intrigued as to why he stayed away from his siblings at school. As he turned to say goodbye I rudely interrupted him pointing a finger at him - "You will be answering my question Edward" I warned, walking past him and making my way up to the library.

I had just settled into reading one of my all time favourite novels – Jane Austen's 'Pride and Prejudice' – when I felt someone sit next to me. Before I knew it, they started whispering in my ear.

"I hate the attention."

I snapped my book shut when I realised whose voice it was. I turned myself to face Edward as I urged him to continue.

"I feel like we're put on this pedestal, treated differently from everyone else. A lot of people in this school think my family is perfect but we aren't. We still screw up; just like everyone else." He slumped his shoulders over and ran his hand through his hair; something I had realised he does pretty frequently. The look in his eyes told me he was fed up with it all and I had the sudden desire to lighten the mood.

"It's okay Eddie boy, I don't think you're better than anyone else" I told him as I playfully nudged his shoulder.

"Eddie boy? Really Bella; that's the best you can do?" he chuckled in response. Truthfully I had no idea where that nickname had come from but I had successfully lightened the tension between us.

-x-

The next few months passed in a similar pattern, we continued with the daft note passing in biology despite only having the time to be able to ask each other one question about each other. Edward continued to join me in the library, and as much as I missed the alone time I spent reading; I really wanted to get to know him.

Edward soon knew everything about me, and a lot of it he knew before I even had the chance to tell him. I had forgotten that Forks was such a small town, so was taken aback when he told me he knew about Charlie's condition. I was even more shocked when I found out his father, Carlisle, had been the one who had saved my Dad's life. I suddenly felt as though I was in debt to Edward and his family; I felt like I owed my life to Carlisle.

I knew a lot about Edward's mother, Esme; she was an interior designer and had planned out every little detail in their house. Carlisle was one of the best doctors in America, and his family were obviously very proud with Edward wanting to follow in his father's medical footsteps. Alice was Edward's twin sister, yet they couldn't be more different. Alice was a very loud and outgoing girl, and could be very overbearing at times; as much as I loved her I'd be ready to kill myself after spending too long with her.

Emmett wasn't a biological brother to Edward; he had been Carlisle's sister's son, who they had adopted when she passed away when Emmett was only 7. Despite this, they always said they were brothers and got along like the best of friends. As Edward and I quickly became friends, I was welcomed into his family with open arms, it was almost as if they thought of me as a second daughter.

I had been at Forks High for six months, yet me and Edward still hid away in the library despite the fact I loved his family and friends. We'd spend our breaks and lunch times chatting and laughing; Edward really was turning into the perfect friend.

Even though we knew each other perfectly well, we still passed the infamous biology notes. As I was about to pass Edward his note one Tuesday, I was distracted by a knock at the door and a familiar voice calling my name. My heart started racing and I was instantly worried as I looked towards the door.


	7. The Blame

**I feel like I've been neglecting you. **  
**I'm close to giving up, the lack of updates i manage to get through make me feel like the worst person ever.**  
**Real life is a bugger for interrupting my little world. **  
**Reviews are loved.**  
**Hope i don't disappoint. **

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Chapter 7- The Blame**

I stared at my Dad who was stood in the biology classroom door, panting. He looked as if he'd just run a marathon; something was wrong. My eyes darted between him and Edward_._ Fuck, if something was wrong then I needed Edward.

A million worst case scenarios played themselves throughout my mind. Charlie finally signalled me out of the room, led me to the cafeteria, and sat me on one of the table.

"Bells, it's your mom." I felt my eyes glaze over as I found it harder to breathe... what was wrong with Renee? If something had happened to her it was entirely my fault. Charlie placed his hands on my quivering knees, speaking softly to me. "Go and get your things, we need to get home." He stood up, allowing me to go back to biology.

I sprinted towards the biology room as the tears began to cascade uncontrollably down my cheeks; I hated myself. As I reached the biology room, Mr Banner took one look at me and nodded, giving me the permission to leave. _Like I needed his permission_... I was going anyway. I quickly made my way to the table to find that Edward had packed my stuff up for me. He just looked at me with an apologetic smile on his face.

"It's entirely my fault Edward," I muttered through staggered breaths. He merely grabbed my hand and shook his head. He ran his thumb over the side of my hand, reminding me of one fact. "I'm always here". I nodded and simply mouthed "Thank you" as I ran off back to meet Charlie.

We sat silently in the police cruiser as Charlie drove as if his life depended on it. He pulled off a ridiculous parking manoeuvre as he swerved into the driveway of our house. I suddenly found myself not wanting to go inside - not wanting to hear or see what waited inside for me.

I walked slowly up the path, stalling as much as I could...dreading what I was about to face. As I entered the house, I could sense something wasn't right. Sat on the old recliner was a woman; I didn't recognise her but she was sitting with a clipboard and pen, presumably ready to take notes. On the table in front of the sofa was a box of Kleenex – everything had a feeling of cold unfamiliarity.

I was nervous. I started to nibble on my fingernails; something I hadn't done since I was eight. Nobody was talking to me so I resulted in biting my left thumbnail until blood started to seep out. Fuck. Why was nobody talking to me! I was nearly seventeen for Christ's sake, and I'd been given enough bad news to last me a lifetime; I was sure I could cope with whatever this was too. Finally Charlie spoke.

"Bella, your mum was involved in a car accident last night."

I forced my eyes shut. I didn't want to be here anymore.

"She was hit by a truck," he started. I shook my head repeating the word 'no' inwardly to myself. "Bella, it's not good news..." he finished, as I pulled my knees to my chest, sobbing silently. Charlie pulled me into his shoulder, whispering into my ear. "It's not going to be easy baby, but we'll get through it. I know you're a strong girl, a fighter." I forced my eyes closed, burying my head in his shoulder, remembering how I had caused this mess.

It was just over a week before my seventeenth birthday, and my mum had promised to be there. She'd been there every year previous, and I had no reason to doubt her this year. Everything had changed over the past year though. She'd stopped phoning as often. I was lucky to receive a 5 minute phone call every month, but she seemed happy. She stopped visiting; in fact, I hadn't seen her since my sixteenth birthday. The week before my birthday, she'd phoned me and she was wasted. She was slurring her words and talking absolute nonsense. It was about ten minutes before I got any sort of sense out of her. "I'm not coming to Forks for your birthday, Bella," she managed to mumble.

I would be lying if I had said I was angry. All I could feel was an overwhelming sense of disappointment. One event after another, and there's finally a point where you feel a new emotion. It's one where you don't cry, but where it silently builds within your chest. The anger outweighs the sadness, but when combining the two, you feel as if you will break into a million little pieces as the world watches. But it wasn't easy, and it couldn't be that way. I would suck it up and move on, one way or another. It was what I did.

She mumbled something else that was barely audible, but I'm pretty sure it resembled 'I've got something to tell you'. My heart sank into my stomach. What was it now? Last time we had this conversation I had found out her and Phil had taken a holiday to Vegas without telling me, and had got married in the presence of Elvis. Not only was I angry she got married without telling me, she'd gone and done it in the cheesiest way possible; I always thought my mother had more class than that.

This time, however, the news was even more devastating. "I'm having a baaaaaaaaaaby!" She actually screamed down the phone. I didn't know whether to smile or cry. I was going to have a baby brother or sister but my mother was sitting there, intoxicated whilst carrying it. Suddenly, I was extremely mad; how could she dare do this? If she was stupid enough to get pregnant, then she was going to take care of it. I snapped. I really did love my mum, but she knew what she was doing.

"Yeah mom, that's great." I huffed down the phone. "You just go get yourself fucking pregnant and then kill it thanks to alcohol. Real smart move there." Renee had never heard me talk like that and she was appalled.

"Isabella Marie Swan, don't you dare talk to me like that again!" Her voice instantly sobered up and I felt terrible.

"I'm sorry mom, but you've disappointed me in more ways than one tonight, and I don't want to talk to you anymore." My voice got progressively quieter as I spoke, then I finally ended the call.

Yes, this whole thing was definitely my fault- I'd treated my mum like crap, and now she was gone. I'd never forgive myself. I was pulled out of my silent sobs by Charlie whispering in my ear again, "Bells, I'd like you to meet Mrs Clearwater, she's a counsellor and she's willing to listen anytime you need someone to talk to." he breathed. I didn't formulate a reply, just meekly nodded my head.

The only person I wanted to speak to right now was Edward.


	8. Suffocation

**Updating early because i'm away for a week so it could be a while until i update again, sorry!**  
**I hope this chapter does what i want it to do, let me know your reactions in a review.**  
**They mean a lot and give me motivation.**  
**Lucy is my beta, my life saver, i love her. **

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**Chapter 8 - Suffocation**

I can't breathe. It's like I'm being suffocated. I see her. I see it all. I feel the pain. I hear her screams. I watch her cry. Every night I watch my mother die. Every night I scream. I'm trying to catch my breath as Charlie cradles me in his arms. I'm sweating. He's kissing my head. I'm crying. He tells me it's going to be okay... He's lying.

The nights merge into the days; I couldn't tell you what day it was even if I tried. I rarely leave my room. I've hardly spoken... No – I've not spoken a single word since last week. I've thrown my phone against the wall in frustration. Most of all, I've cried. In fact, I haven't stopped crying.

I know I'm hurting Charlie, but I just can't do it. I can't walk out of my room and pretend everything is alright. My mom died a week ago, and it was my entire fault. How am I meant to live with myself?

Charlie knocks on my door before entering; he lays a new phone on my bed. "Call Edward, Bella. You need him." He's right. I don't call him.

I do need Edward; but I can't become dependent on him. I'd only spoken to him once in the past week, texting him telling him I'm okay and that he doesn't need to come round. I've become good at lying. Not one person knows just how much I'm hurting inside. They never will.

I ignore Charlie's wishes. Instead I fall asleep; bad idea. I am awoken by my own screams. Woken by Charlie running into my room and telling me it's only a dream. He gives me a minute to catch my breath before turning me to face him. He tells me the obvious.

"I can't do this anymore Bells." He sighs. "I know it hurts, but this is killing me. Killing us."

Charlie wipes the newly falling tears from my cheeks as I notice his own eyes are watering.  
"Please, Bella; text him. I know he's the one person who can make you feel better. Do it for me Bella, do it for your mom. She wouldn't want you to be like this." He's right; I nod. I take the new phone and find my old sim card amongst the pile of metal and plastic that was once my old cell phone. I flick on my new Blackberry, and I feel my eyes start to well up again as I see what Charlie has set as the background. Him, my mother and I. By the looks of things, I was about two and we looked like the perfect family. A smile briefly forms on my lips.

I already have 25 new text messages, all from Edward. He's worried. I instantly feel like a bitch. He's my best friend, and I've shut him out_. _

'_Hey Bella, tell me your okay please? I'll be waiting until you're ready to see me. Charlie gave me a key. Let me know any time you want me to come over. E x'_ Tears escape my eyes again. I really need him. My vision is blurred as I take my time to type back to him. _'I need you. B x'_

I wait. I don't even know what day or time it is. He could be sleeping, he could be at school... He won't be here. I take a shower, letting the hot water burn my skin. I stand under the scolding spray of water until it runs cold. I slip back into my pyjamas and tie my hair into a messy bun before heading into the safety of my own room.

Before I can even make my way through my door, I feel arms wrap around me. I tense. I want to scream. He whispers my name. I relax. I feel safe. We stay in the same position for what feels like forever. My heads buried in his chest, he can feel my tears soak his skin through his shirt. Yet I don't stop.

I'm comfortable crying around him. He knows not to say anything; to just let me get it out of my system. He kisses the top of my head sitting me on the bed; he says he'll be right back. I panic, he's leaving me. I grab hold of his shirt, pulling him back towards me. I shake my head; he understands. He crouches in front of me, wiping away my tears. "I'm only going to get you some food."

I shake my head; the thought of food makes me sick. "Please Bella; for me" He pleads. I give in; I'd do anything for that boy.

He's a liar; he was gone for twenty minutes. I can't be mad though, he walks in with a McDonalds' bag. He knows me too well. I smile for the second time today. He watches me eat. It's strange; the sensation of eating is making me feel sick. I barely make it through half of my burger before I'm racing to the bathroom. The contents of my stomach hit the white porcelain of the toilet. I feel him kneel behind me. He pulls the stray hairs out of the way. I'm sorry. I can't say it. He looks after me.

We don't speak, but sit in a comfortable silence. He doesn't go home. We lie on my bed; he holds me whilst I cry. I fall asleep listening to the sound of him breathing. I scream. He holds me. I can't breathe. He kisses the top of my head. He reassures me. I'm calm. I slip back into a dreamless sleep for the first time since I got the news.

He makes me get dressed; he makes me do my hair. He knows I'll feel better if I do. I'm starting to feel like me again – slightly. I go downstairs. Charlie's on the phone – something about flowers. My heart sinks. He's talking about the funeral. I can't breathe, I stumble backwards. Edward's arms embrace me. He wraps himself tightly against my waist. He's whispering in my ear.

"Shh Bella, I need you to breathe for me." His voice is calming as I desperately try to regulate my breathing. He keeps whispering the same thing to me; "I'll be there, I'll look after you."

This boy could work miracles. "You've got to do this baby, for Renee, yeah?" I can't help but nod as he lets his arms fall from my waist.

Charlie doesn't bat an eyelid as he sees Edward kiss the top of my head; he knows he's just my best friend. He knows he's going to be the one to get me through this. He trusts him. Charlie wraps his arms around me, as I tightly grab the back of his shirt. I won't cry, I can't cry.

"It's on Sunday, Bella. Will you be okay?" Edward told me it was Thursday today. It's in three days. Three days until I say goodbye to my mother; forever. I can't do it. I can't go to the funeral, but I have to. I need to say goodbye to my mom; I need to make her proud. She needs to know I'm sorry.

I'm going to be that brave little girl he asked me to be when I was eight.

"I want to speak at the funeral."


	9. I'm sorry it's this way

**A rather important authors note.  
I'm not sure what the future of this fanfic is right now. My grandma has been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour and my real life is really fucking hard right know. The direction of this story is definitely going to change; I knew what was going to happen throughout this before I even wrote it and there's almost no way I can carry on with that.**

**So, I have two options. 1) Bring some form of closure to the story from here and stop writing it. 2) Change the way it goes and keep writing. I want this to be the reader's choice, you guys are the reason I wrote this in the first place, I am to please you. If people want this to carry on then it can I just might be a bit all over the place for a while. So please, tell me what you want, leave a review even if it's just to tell me I should stop writing. Please.**

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**Chapter 9 – I'm sorry it's this way. **

Edward had barely left my side since Thursday; he seemed comfortable just being with me. Holding me and letting me cry on his shoulder. He was my rock.

When I woke up on Sunday I was shocked to see that he wasn't there. Not that I blamed him; if I was him I would have run a mile. Things had only gotten worse since I'd found out the funeral was today – the dreams had intensified, as had my screams, during the night. My dad had let Edward stay by my side, which I was happy about; it gave Charlie a break. I knew he had always loved Renee, and this was hurting him as much as it was hurting me.

I glanced at the clock – it was only a few hours since I actually managed to fall asleep, but I knew I had to get up. I noticed the red light flashing on my Blackberry telling me I had a text. I let a small smile grace my lips as I read it.

_Hey you, sorry I'm not here. Had to dash home, will be back within the hour. E x _

I felt a sense of relief flood over my body knowing he hadn't left me, despite the fact I felt guilty for even doubting him.

I started getting ready for the funeral without actually thinking about what the day would bring; not thinking until I needed to would definitely be the easiest way to survive the day.

I had managed to get myself into the church without a tear leaving my eyes. However, that was until I saw my mother's coffin. At the front of the church was mahogany coffin surrounded by flowers and placed on top of it was a picture of me and Renee. Suddenly I came to terms with everything as realization hit me. Today I was burying my mother...saying goodbye to her forever.

I cried my way through most of the ceremony, not really taking any of it in as I heard prayers echoing around the room and different people speaking about the memories they had shared with my mom. They said how much they would miss her, how sorry they were, and how much they loved her, but I knew no one would feel as sorry for all of this as I did. I might of well have been driving the truck that smashed into her car. If it wasn't for me, today wouldn't be necessary.

"Bella, are you ready?" he whispered into my ear squeezing my hand which had been in his this entire time. I nodded my head meekly; I was lying. I was nowhere near ready, but I was out of time.

This was it.

I walked up to the pulpit on unsteady legs. In all honesty, I was amazed I'd made it the whole way without collapsing. I could feel my whole body shaking as silent tears cascaded down my cheeks. For the first time today, I looked towards the group of people who had come out to honour my mother. I recognised people from Phoenix, friends, and family I hadn't seen for years. Phil was sat next to my father; his face stained with tears. It was my entire fault. I killed his wife. I felt my knees buckle underneath me and my sobs become louder.

I couldn't do this.

EPOV.

I watched as the colour drained from her face. She became unsteady, and before I could reach her she was on the floor being consumed by her tears. I rushed to her side pulling her into me, cradling her as she cried. I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind but I promised myself that I was going to try my best to understand to be what she needed, whatever that was.

"Hey" I whispered into her hair in an attempt to soothe her. "It's going to be okay". In all honesty, looking at her I knew my own words weren't convincing. Bella was a mess; she'd hardly eaten since she had got the news, and it was already having an effect. Her clothes were slowly becoming increasingly big for her. The lack of sleep she was also dealing with made her look constantly tired with the dark circles under her eyes becoming more prominent each day. She worried me. My best friend was wasting away in front of me and there was nothing I could do to save her.

She fumbled with the piece of paper in hands; I knew this must have meant everything to her and suddenly I knew what I had to do. "Bells, do you want me to read it?" she shook her head instantly as I asked the question. It was worth a shot.

"I need to do this. I have to do this. My mom deserves it."

I was grateful for the fact that no one had disturbed us. Instead, they waited patiently. They had faith in her. They knew she could do it. She pulled herself up with her legs, looking even less stable than before as I followed her. I placed my hand on her back and drew small circles on the slither of skin that had appeared in between her pants and shirt. Anything to let her know I was here for her, to show her she could do it. With a sharp intake of breath she started.

"Well it was good to hear your voice  
I hope you're doing fine  
And if you ever wonder  
I'm lonely here tonight

I'm lost here in this moment  
And time keeps slipping by  
And if I could have just one wish  
I'd have you by my side

I miss you  
I need you

And I love you more  
Than I did before  
And then today I don't see your face  
Nothing's changed  
No one could take your place  
It gets harder every day  
Say you love me more than you did before  
And I'm sorry it's this way  
But I'm coming home  
I'll be coming home  
And if you ask me I will stay  
I will stay

Well I try to live without you  
But tears fall from my eyes  
I'm alone and I feel empty  
God, I'm torn apart inside  
I look up at the stars  
Hoping you're doing the same  
And somehow I feel closer  
And I can hear you say  
I miss you  
I need you

I love you more  
Than I did before  
And then today I don't see your face  
Nothing's changed  
No one could take your place  
It gets harder every day  
Say you love me more than you did before."

I was amazed that she had got this far with only minimal tears and a few choked back tears. She'd rehearsed this speech over and over and she knew it better than she knew the back of her hand. She took one last look at Renee's coffin to her left before finishing.

"I'm sorry it's this way. I love you mom."

With that, she crushed her head firmly into my chest and didn't hold back on her tears. I manoeuvred her back to our seats and she curled up on the pew, leaning into me crying on my shoulder. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer. Seeing her this way hurt more than anything else. She meant the world to me and I could do nothing to ease her pain.

"It's okay sweetheart, I'm here. Always here."


End file.
